Saturday, September 11, 2010

Every story has a beginning, middle, and end. The story of my alter ego is no exception. Sigmund Freud described three distinct theoretical models of the psyche; the id, the ego, and the superego. The id in particular was thought to be the primal instinctual urges, the pleasure urges and instant gratification needs. What better way to express the less socially accepted side of your personality then a MMORPG. In fact everyone who enjoys functional addiction of roleplay games is stroking the id portion of their ego.

My ffxi character Sheeba was born in December of 2004. Of course I chose mithra, because what better expression of your frisky, playful side of you then a cat? Sheeba also exudes my narcissistic side of my personality, the side that is vanity, that seeks perfection, and has little patience for anything else. Sheeba also has the fantastic priveledge of saying whatever is on her mind with little thought to consequences or others feelings (however I do admit my actual superego steps in for some regulation on occasion). Sheeba also expresses my most primal competitive need and perfection drive.

True to my narcissistic form I excelled through levels in just 4 months and had my sights set for bigger things. I sought out friends at the level cap (nod to benjix and mq) and started grooming myself for endgame experience. Of course I wanted to be with the best so I discovered some blue pearled ls that killed some kind of very big turtle. I came to view this so called endgame activity and witnessed some blue and purple linkshell having a battle royale in some area called "Valley of Sorrows". I was hooked, I wanted to be part of that action. Thus I began my trial and admittance into my first HNMLS Papajohns. I met all of my needs with exciting fights, interesting people, and success with the most successful linkshell on the server at the time. But it was not to last.....more dysfuctional id personalities came into play....and I was deemed too threatening to stay.

So I spent a couple unhappy weeks wandering about before I decided I needed to fulfill my endgame needs with another linkshell. So Sheeba started doing events with both Mercury and Elementrush. Elementrush won after camping a few Fafnirs with them as they seemed similar to my previous shell and the people were more amicable. Thus we have come to the middle of my story. I gave all my ambitions and energy to this new shell. However shortly after I joined the foundations became fragile and the shell looked as though it would crumble. I convinced the leader to give the shell to my friend Gaidon who was similar minded and equally ambitious and narcissistic in his own way. Sheeba's home was secure and the linkshell flourished. True to my aspiring nature I enjoyed a position as recruitment officer for some time and website administrator for too long.... Times were very good, much enjoyment was had and my id needs were satisified...for the time. A year or more passed and my id needs lessened as a real life romance took precedence in my life. When I returned the game was not the same and I no longer needed my addiction, so  took a very long break.

...When I returned I felt FFXI was dying and I could no longer devote the time FFXI demanded. So I discovered another game with friends, LOTRO (Lord of the Rings Online). I created a guild, built it up and dominated my server with firsts, raid accomplishments and the most successful guild/kinship on the server. However the game could not keep up with the fast pace my team and I devored content so as things calmed down in wait of new content expansions I revisited FFXI. I also took my chief officer from LOTRO to FFXI, as he too is all about supplying his id with entertainment.

Now comes the end of my story. Upon my return to FFXI I was determined to be a casual player and just enjoy myself. However Gaidon was in Darkstatic linkshell and was often at events. Since my enjoyment playing FFXI now is primarily with him I decided to join up as well. However the more I played, the more my true id personality emerged and I soon found Darkstatic to be an intolerable alternative to the successes I once enjoyed in this game. Thus Gaidon and I both made the decision to go balls out and join the dominant linkshell on Diabolos sever, Poisoned. So we had our trial and joined and our now fully enjoying our FFXI experience as hai jin players. What can I say, the id wants what the id wants.